It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize