im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
