just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
