I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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