gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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