theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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