so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
