a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
