census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize