Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
