Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
