oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize