if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
