last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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