thus making me awesome and them whores
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
