I'm really into asian looking animals
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
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