Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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