life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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