i permit you to call me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
