I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
