He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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