Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
