i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
