Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
