He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
