I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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