He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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