Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
