Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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