Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
