If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
