some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
