Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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