its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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