My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just crazy horny about you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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