I'm passing your future prison.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
