please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
