Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
my shit smells like andre
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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