Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
