she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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