Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
