I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
