they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
