I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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