This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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