Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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