I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
