a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i think i just lost a toe
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
