I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
