I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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