Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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