Porn is love you can see.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
