one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
