After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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