I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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