He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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