I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize