I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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