my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
