Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
