I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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