I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
