And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
