i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
