I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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