12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
