I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
