I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
