i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
